A wonderful comment on this blog got me thinking. It's so true about
smart, educated and empowered women and how the devastation of
infertility is magnified for us.
Me? I'm guilty of being a master manipulator. Whatever I wanted in
life, whatever was wrong, whatever challenges I faced--I'd manipulate
and work the situation until it came out the way I wanted it to.
Want that plum job? work it until you land it!
Want to graduate early? Work it until you hit the deadline.
Bad marriage? Work it until you're divorced and have reorganized
your life and career to a much better end.
Infertility? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
I'm working it but I'm not getting the result I EXPECT.
That I've ALWAYS been able to manifest.
So now what?
I had a dye test and then a Clomid challenge test and an
IUI. My husband and I were SURE I'd get pregnant
given that my fallopian tubes had just been "roto-rootered"
and were blown wide open---
Nope. Didn't work.
I thought Western medicine could help me
transcend my age---40---and BLAMMO...
I'd be able to make a baby....
Man oh man--all of us women have been sold
a bill of goods. Celebrities in the tabloids having
twins at 45..well no one MENTIONED they used
donated eggs!!! (Which I would NEVER do...that's
like having your husband sleep with another woman,
as far as I'm concerned.)
I'm 40.
I'm empowered.
and right now, I feel helpless.
A little less knowledge and a smaller personality
and no career drive would probably add up to
a lot more happiness on this issue....
But we can't change who we are..all we
can do is reach out and discuss..and
I'm so grateful for those of you who visit
here to discuss....You're quickly becoming
a wonderful emotional support for me.
Please tell your blog audiences about
this little spot and if I'm "techy" enough,
I'm going to try to link to all your blogs on
my blog!
Audrey
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3 comments:
I have you linked on my blog!
You are right we have been lied to about having it all. I am all for the working woman running the world if that's what she wants to do, but sometimes you have to trade something to achieve it. i thought I had all the time in the world and look at me now!
I'm with you on this. They say you can achieve anything as long as you work hard enough. With IF, there's no guarantee. It sucks!
Great post!
I must confess to being a master manipulator myself. Not to say that I don't earn everything I get, but I've never had to work so hard for nothing in my life until I went through infertility.
My husband and I desperately want another baby and I'm terrified, scared to death in fact, of going through the emotional turmoil of infertility again. Yes, I got pregnant eventually but I'm not sure my soul can handle another three years of emotional devastation. I felt like every month a little piece of my heart was cut away. I know it won't be easy but it helps to know that other women out there have gone through or are going through the same thing.
Take care, ladies!
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